The Saga Continues

So tonight I was at my usual bar. My buddy from Hong Kong is visiting me. We are gonna score a place in London soon. We walk up the stairs and I see Sparkle and her friend sitting at the bar. I turn around and tell my friend and I think about running away, but then I realize that's not how I want to live. So we go up there and sit down. Right then a pic appears on the tv of me and Sparkle, the night I broke rapport. Her kissing me on the cheek. I can feel the tension. It's so strange. I have made peace with the friend, but I don't know what is up with these two girls. So much small town drama, but damn Sparkle looked good. She is so sexy and jewy. Just like me.

So there is so much fucking tension. And we are pretending to ignore each other. I start to have a panic attack. Like my old aa attacks a few months ago. So I feel my pulse and it's doubled, but not tripled. I start tapping a bit and I dunno if it helped or not. I see another guy in the scene with a buddy and they join us. Nobody can tell I'm super tense, until I say something to them. The girl walks by and the new guy checks her out and is like damn she's hot. Both my buddies eyes swing to me for a reaction. I'm like thanks dude, that's my x. He's like omg I'm so sorry. So I say why dude? It's a complement that you think I have been with a hot girl.

So she goes to the bathroom and I talk to her friend. I'm like why is there so much tension? And she is like ya that was great how you guys appeared on the tv right when you walked up the stairs. Ha! Anyways, she was like you guys should make friends. I said I have she rejected my offer. So she thinks Sparkle was just tense bc her new bf was there. I am able to not ask if they are still together. So I'm like I have no ill will. I've actually never spoken bad about Sparkle even tho it ended poorly. I'm trying to learn to be more alpha.

I go and sit with my friends and ponder. What is the best way to be? I want to be alpha and just give value. So I decide to offer friendship again with no expectation. So when Sparkle leaves again I go up for a drink and she returns and is sitting next to me pointedly ignoring me. I turn to her and say hi....how are you? She's like fine and kinda blushing. I say can we be friends now? And she says well, I don't know about that.... And gives me a cheeky smile. And breaks eye contact. I say well whenever you want to be friends I am ready. I have no bad feelings. I smile and I walk back to my friends. I have no expectation but I have given value in the best way I can.

I sit down and I can see her pull out her phone and I see her texting furiously. I'm like please let her be texting me! I know. Then I get a text and my phone takes ages to display and I'm like don't have an expectation. But it is her and she says " ok friends lol." I don't reply, but I don't need to.

I am still really attracted to her. I think it's good that she kept my phone number, that she texted me and responded to my value giving. It's really a powerful principle. I have a lot of thoughts about why she texted instead of saying it to me. But I decided not to talk to her anymore tonight, even though maybe I could have hooked up with her again. But I want to demonstrate my lack of neediness. Because there is an abundance of beautiful women on this planet.

There is a huge smile on my face. I saw a challenge. I had massive anxiety. I face my challenge. I gave value in the face of social terror. I overcame my challenge. I was rewarded. This is a powerful flow.