Ruining a Good Thing

so i never thought i would see that j bird again...but her job sent her back a few days before i left japan 4eva....anyways....we set up a lil party with ollie and the other girl from last time.....making gyozas and stuff....and 2 more girls even come......it's kinda cool i guess....but letsnotlietoeachother....making snacks wasn't what i wanted to be doing.....i was finally recovering from the first poisoning....and i was ready for a fresh dose ifyouknowhatimean.....so anyways....we go to the grocery store and get a ton of foodstuff and booze.....bc we both know that helps....the girl looked cute but not as cute as last time....so i'm glad i didnt do something crazy like decide to stay in japan for her....and lets behonest....thats the kinda dumass move i could make.....anywayZ we make the food and i pour some likker down her throat but she's only drinking beer not shochu....which could be a problem bc maybe now she can see that i'm not as cute as she remembered either.....anyways.....we are all hanging out and making the food and once it's all made and everyone is like 3 or 4 beers deep i'm like lets play a party game...but being japanese girls they are kinda lame and just wanna play shiritori which i dont wanna explain here but is just a word game....anyways me and ollie are like when you lose you gotta drink a huge beer....so at least there will be some point to playing....i'm like what about twister....or a game where all the girls kiss each other....but instead they just wanna watch that comedy video that now i'm kinda sick of bc i seen it like a million times or something.....we watch a few mins and i was like hey baby i got you a present from my hometown in my apartement....obviously i mean a righteous shagging...but i also have a tshirt that i brought as a present like 2 years ago......so we go up and i give it to her and then when i'm about to really give it to her...she vetoes me....she is like you're leaving soon....and i'm like thats why we gotta nail now baby.....make good memories yo!.....anyways......i keep trying to convince her to at least make out a lil but she totally wont kiss me and she's like lets go back to the lame party...i was like ollie doesn't even wanna be at that lame party....and it's at his damn apartment....and she says like she's not drunk enough and just wants to be friends or something...i was like look we already did it so i'm not going back.....fuck this game.....either let me nail you or get outa here i got work tomorrow.....i had to get up at 630 for god's sakessss......anyways she won't back down and just wants to be lame so i'm like look i don't wanna be friends thats superetarded.....i just wanna play hide the sausage....i mean if you dont like me why the fuck we been emailing for a month and wtf did you wanna hang out tonite? i mean damn.....anyways long story short i threw her outa my apt bc seriously who wants to deal with a chick like that when she wants to play lameass games......anyways thats the last i heard of that girl.......now i just wish she'd never come back to town so i could remember her as this super cool chick.....now i just remember that she is as lame as all the other japanese chix i met........fuck as far as that shit i'm hella glad i'm outa japan now......but i'm sure soon enough i'll be writing to you fucks about some american bitch playing retarded games at me too......but wateva....peaCe

The Jasshole

So i got this japanese neighbor dude...his mom is kinda known as a bitch throughout the apartments.........anyways..........he's like 22, graduated college..........and and he is living with his mommy again...........wtf that's about i dunno...........anyways he's studying to become a civil servant...but he has like 2 full years of studying and taking a whole myriad of tests and stuff.........anyways i have never really questioned that shit, but it is kind weird.....so he has no job and lives in a tiny apartment with his mom.........we let him start hanging out with us bc all the people around his age are the foreigners....all the other j families are in their 30s and they all just had a slew of kids over the last 2 years............anyways all he ever does is give me shit.........i mean i'm so sick of it now....i been nice........he hangs out with me more than anyone else here..........fuck if i know why.....he just always shows up here........i blame ollie.......i know somehow he arranged it.........so he always has something to say......like why is your japanese so bad?..........why don't you speak japanese as good as ollie?...........is that song you wrote supposed to be so simple? I like more intelligent music. Maybe that's just your style?...........I have told him in the past that it's rude in english to say all this shit...fuck it's rude in japan too.........anyways today he came over and in the course of ten minutes..........was like..........why are your dj videos so low quality? Do you get in trouble because your hair is too long? What do you wear to work? Certainly that oufit isn't ok? .........and he pushed it over with.......Touching my tummy and saying you should lose 10 more kilos........This is while we are looking at a photo of me 6 months ago....where i am fatter and i was like see i have lost weight! You always insult me and never say nice things...friends don't do that! Anyways he was like smiling and stuff like it's cute. And he kept complaining that he was bored. I was like i didnt invite you over and I am working on my website. I'm done stopping what Im doing just to entertain you. The amazing thing about this Japanese asshole, jasshole, is that he doesn't know why he has no japanese friends! He complains about it and is sad. But christ if he wants to hang out with the unpopular foreign kid in his building who is just as fucking annoying. I mean why the fuck would i want some kid to make me feel like shit when i been running every day for 3 months? It's like he simply can't notice a positive even if it's in his face.....and it's like i kept his fucking secret from the community.....the other week he told me he was gay, *although i'm 90% sure that he's not he just wants to be, and went on about how bad he wants to fuck the shit out of ollie....i didnt tell ollie for THREE FULL DAYS after he swore me to secrecy....Everytime he is here i have to listen to him talk about ollie's smooth skin and blue eyes........i'm like fuck you dude i got blue eyes.......and it's just like all he does is complain....today he mentioned having no money again so he can't do anything....i was like why don't you get a fucking part time job damn! and he was like my job is studying! I was like a lotta people do both...where is your japanese work ethic........anyways this was at the end so i was already pissed..........Oh fuck...i forgot to mention....on the title of my 30 second dj video there is a kanji and while i was scrolling thru fonts to choose one.....he was like that looks bad! Why dont you change the font? And I was like i am! so he said why dont you scroll thru good ones? I was like making it a question doesn't make it good. In america i would have punched your face by now....I dunno if he lost the plot or never had it...........I mean ollie isn't even gay....he's made out with like 2 dudes......and EVERYONE knows you get 3 before it's more than experimenting....and i'm pretty sure that rule is for shagging not snogging.... I mean i get it....he wants to put it in ollie's creamy white ass...but why does he think i wanna hear about it? He told me he's glad that ollie's gf and me are leaving soon so that ollie will be defenseless....I was like dude...........damn........Anyways this is my rant.....i got 11 days left in country so it's not worth having a big fight and punching his smug grin out the back of his skull....but i mean...........how can people make it into their 20s and not figure out that maybe something is wrong if they have no friends and that it's them that needs to change not society......I mean their are a coupla foreigners around here that can't even make friends with each other to play dungeons and dragons or wateva.........so i know it's not a japanese only thing.......but wtf does this guy have to come to my place........i felt bad for a while bc of how bad he wants to tap ollie...but i mean......it's so boring......he always talks about moving to the gay city........and i was like why don't you go now? Stop talking and go somewhere where you can meet a gay person! He told me he's never been into a gay guy. The one time a dude shagged him his ass hurt and he didnt like it. He even complained yesterday about how there are so many gay guys on mixi, the messageboard around here. I was like wtf isn't that good? He was like i only lover one person. I was like ollie is a pretty big pussy but at some point he is gonna flip out......prolly when you try to slip the head in at an onsen........but like dont push it........i mean i even did the friend thing at first and tested the waters with ollie to see if he's a lil bi at least.............but i mean.........let it go..........and stop bitching about every aspect of my life....i hate you jasshole.........and i think i'm gonna tell your mom that you're gay before i leave next week..........a lil goodbye and thank you present

It always pours when it rains

So a week after getting sick off that bird, I was scheduled for a photo shoot in the big city. This sexy english bird was taking the photos so i was well excited......kinda hoping it would be like all those tv movies with the creepy photog....but it was not to be.......anyways we drive downtown...takes about a fackin hour...but wateva....u know?........we gotta go to some shops to pick up some props...anyways after this extensive mission all round town we're walking to the photo location....obviously my eyes are on her chest.....ifyouknowhatimean....anyways i'm staring at her chesty goodness when suddenly i hear screaming....after a minute....i realize it's me screaming....my eye is on fire...there's something in it...but i cant find anything...and she's inspecting my eye and cant find nuffin....so i round around and find the nearest eye dr...turns out a small piece of glass got in there...and my cornea is scratched to hell...it's pure pain in my damn eye....being japan they don't give me any painkillers....great thing about this place...n e wayz....getting the meds takes the pain down abou 5%......like a few drops of water on my tongue in a damn desert.....everytime i blink i wanna commit suicide it hurts so fuckin bad....so i have to tie a bandana around my eye to keep it tight and shut and to stop any damn wiggling.....so we still do the photo shoot.......i aint seen the pics yet but i got a feelin i look like a damn pirate......... anyways as soon as my eye heals...after a few long days....my cough turns into full blown bronchitis....and my coughing fits get so bad that i bite my mouth......so now my eye is better but i'm sitting here with fire in my lungs and a canker sore i my mouth....sigh........i am forced to wonder if that killer loving was worth it......

Fun with the Government

So I am selling my car to ollie before i go.......and to do that you need to sort out like 15 forms..........the most imporant one is your inkan shomei......its like a piece of paper that says your stamp is your official stamp.......people dont sign shit here they stamp it.......anyways i got one of these forms last year when i bought the fuckin car.........so anyways they give you a lil card so you can get a ton outa the machine.......but like an asshole i lost it bc i thought i would only need the sheets if i bought another car......anyways i'm in the goverment joint today to get the form...but like i lost my card..........like all shitty places you gotta get a number from the machine for a place in line...but this lady is guarding it like a wolverine.........i was like i want an inkan shomei today...and she is like where is your card....i was i lost it.....and she is like no card no form BAD.....i was like lady...last year i got one before i had that card....and she was like no no no.....is the card at home....and i'm like jeezus bitch i speax enough japanese for this.....card...gone....dead...forever lost....and she is like BADBAD no FORM for you!.........you must have card to get inkan....I was like can i have a number please........and she is like NO NO NO..........i was like wtf? you muST be wrong...i;m sure someone else in the history of japan has lost the card before......she is like no card no form.....she is fucking adamant........i'm so sick that i'm wearing a mask today and i just finished 4 hours of dr visits so i'm almost delirious enough to punch he in the damn snozz..........finally i'm like fuck...........can i get a replacement card? and she is like of course! please fill out this form!.........so i go fill it out and come back to get my number and she is gone and replaced with a super friendly old man..........and i'm like 1st in line and the lady at the counter is super friendly and it takes like 10 minutes to get the new form and card all from her and it's no problem it all............

In the End

so anyways we parted and she's outa town...but i keep on texting her bc she was sweet n sexy.....i dont wanna make her feel like just a onenightstand thing........i mean i started applying for jobs in japan.....i was like maybe i should stick around that girl was great.....but after a week i was like no i gotta go....follow my dream and my destiny and all that...........whatever sick she had she gave to me in spades tho.........i mean dam.......its 3 weeks later now and i've got massive bronchitis.......so now i'm like mebbe it wasn't worth it....everytime i cough up blood...........thank god i've got banging insurance and a lotta paid sickdays..........but fuck since i'm leaving the country in a few weeks i'd rather not spend that time on my back.......unless she was on top ifyouknowhatimean...........anyways i'm tryin to get her to meet up with me in tokyo on my last night in country.....could be a great goodbye........ifyouknowwhatimean.....but she might give me hemorrhagic fevre if you knowhat i'm sayin...................anyways she was a sweet girl and a nice memory of japan......unless i die........then it prolly wasnt worth it..........but then again she was a warrior that night.........she definately coulda been one of the 300......

Our Seconds Date

So she has my number and email but i dont get her info...i'm like she'll call me if she wants to see me..........and i know she wants to see me bc i just rocked her world three times....anyways
i head back home to chill out at my place......i watch some tv and kinda chill out....thought i would be sleepy but i wasnt....i was kinda wired....you know how you feel like king of the world after you give a really sexy girl a proper box-stretching?.........well then you know how i felt...anyways 1pm rolls around and nothing....at 101 i was like fuck that bitch and i went to take a nap expecting to never hear from her again..........maybe i overreact....at 118 she calls me and i'm like super sweet boy and we arrange a spot for me to pick her up for our date or whateva and i head out even tho i realize i dont know where the place i said i would meet her is.........i'll skip the boring part but it took like 40 minutes instead of 10 with like fifteen extra fone calls.....so i pick her up and she looks really cute......as soon as she gets in the car i go for a kiss....and she is like no way dude i have japane shame!.........i was like crap i gotta retrain this chick.....i was like outside this car is japan but inside it is america....there's no shame here.........anyways we cruise over to the mall to see a movie...bc i wanna go somewhere dark where i dont have to talk to her....ifuknowhatimean.....sometimes you just wanna chill....we go to see pirates3 ...good god what a piece of crap....anyways i tried to get us seats in the back row....she was all wtf would you wanna sit in the back you wont be able to see anything.... i was like i dont wanna see anything i wanna feel something..heehehe...anyways we end up in the middle on the far left....i dont know how the hell that happend but there is no one in our section.....so i convince her to give me a few kisses during the longass movie but she totally shoots down my suggestion of shagging on the floor where it's dark......i guess you can tell which of us has any class.........anyways after the movie i'm feeling pretty cool and thinking that maybe i got the juice to give it to her again.......i hit the can to make a peepee and when i come out i cant find her anywhere!........i start searching all over the joint...i'm calling her fone....she didnt see me go into the bathroom so maybe she thinks i just left? i'm walking all over for 20 mins and calling and freaking out........i dont want her to think i ditched her at the movie theater.............finally she calls me and is like you can go home alone.........she is dropping rapid fire japanese on my ass and i am struggling to get my head above water...........after like 5 minutes i figure out that she is in the other movie theater toilet puking........i was like babe i'm not leaving you here......i will wait! bc i'm a knight and all that.......so i finally find her and she looks ragged..........she is feeling really sick and just wants me to take her home..........i was like ok ok ok...........and i was like um can we stop by my apartment so i can bang u? and she was all i'm too sick for sex...........and i was like ok ok how about a bj in the car .....but we both know its way too soon........i barely got her to kiss me in the car........and she wants to only do that while the car is going at least 30 so no one can see us.......anyways in the end i just take her home n stuff and then she goes outa town with work for a month.........and i'm moving countries like a few days before she gets back which is wicked lame bc in case you missed it this girl really knew how to give 100% in the sack plus she was cute and sweet........

The Morning After

So after a killer nite....i wake up as the sun is cutting thru the window.....i'm well pleased bc this girl had a smoking body....so i was enjoying an eyeful if you knowhatimean....but she totally made me clothes the curtains bc she was shy about her body....i was like jeeZ if you're shy about a body like that i should live under a bridge or in a cave.......anyways it was really nice just a lil morning snuggling........the room was a total mess.....used condoms thrown all over the joint...blankets all in disarray.........it looked like a horny tornado struck! ahahahah anyways when she wakes up she is like um....what's your name again? very flattering....to be fair her guess was really close....then she asks if i'd ever banged her friend that was at ollie's apt......i was like wait...you thought maybe i'd banded your best friend and you still give it to me? awesome! anyways we scramble to get up because all her stuff is still at ollie's pad and he gots ta to work so we wanna get there before he dips..........so we try to get all dressed n stuff and cruise downstairs to meet up....those two smartasses downstairs are smiling like a coupla cats....anyways i got like 10 minutes before i gotta leave for work so i drop her off and i'm like i'll call you later.........even tho i dont have her number but i was prolly gonna text her friend to get it later...bc for real this girl was smoking....she was really tight downstairs ifyouknowwhatimean........i mean any tighter and the mission woulda been a no-go.....so i rush upstairs to get ready and start a bath and i am waiting and shit....it takes 40 mines for my damn bath to heat up....its like from the damn middle ages....i have to start a damn gas fire next to the bath tub and wait for it to heat it all up.....unbelievable...anyways i was feeling super sticky in the "region" youknow? no way i wanna drive an hour to work and sit in a hot office all day....stinking of sex....especially japanese sex....i mean if there is a smell my coworkers and students are maybe gonna recognize........i mean for real...who wants to go to work with sticky crotch.....anyways i was like fuck this.......i cant work under these conditions........so i'm like i gotta pull a sickie!.....anyways i take my bath and both girls come by so that i can give 'em a ride to their car across town.....anyways i call in sick and rock the fake cough american style and they are tryin so hard not to laugh.....i guess they never seen such action.....anyways i drive 'em across town and the bird takes my phone number etc and we agree to meet up at 1 oclock when her friend gots ta go to work....so anyways i drop em off and on the way back throw my friend a text asking her not to talk about me with the girl i just shagded.....ya right......japanese girls not chatting...pFfts.........tell you about our 2nd date in a minute......but on the way home damn....all i could think about was her tight body.......she was so fuckin skinny just like i like....i mean i'm really into that .....like a damn commercial for poverty or whatknot.....i could see all of her ribs front and back...run my hands over 'em.....so nice......i could almost fit her whole ass into the palm of my hand.......not gonna lie....this girl was top notch...i mean i was a lil worried in the middle of the night when i started to sober up...but she looked even hotter in the light......poW!

A Girl Named Conner

Last week I am hanging out with my friend Ollie, who a lot of people think i am secretly having gay sex with but i am totally not. And we are like lets chill with some girls. Anyways we know this girl that used to date our friend a longy time ago. So we texter her and join up with her and two of her friends for dinner and drinks. They only had a reservation for 3 people, but when the joint saw that me and ollie were such killer studs they said they would jam us in. We were really stuffed in there super tight, but it was cool bc the girls were really sexy ifyouknowwhatimean...... Anyways 1 of the girls right away says that she is a shochu girl, she really loves shochu. When i heard that i was pretty sure it meant slutty. I defo had my fingers crossed. Anyways, we all start eating and whatknot and gettin wikked drunk. The girl I was really diggin on has a boyfriend, but he wasn't there or nothing....So i def laid it on thick. I basically ignored shochu girl. We get pretty tanked and then it's time for us to get outa there bc the lil joint is closing. Outside i talk to shochu girl more and i def get some slutty vibes. Anyways me and ollie bike home and they all drive off in a car.... On the way home i was like Ollie...that slutty one seemed cool...too bad they all went home........Anyways we get back home and like 2 of :em are comin over for more drinks.....the uber cute one went home...so its our friend and my new friend ifuknowhatimean.....we get our drink on again...i keep pouring shochu down her gullet.......she is like feeding me snacks and i:m returning the favor......ollie is trying not to barf while watching this...........so he moves it to the bed....all 4 of us are on there all snuggly close......we are watching this rahmens video that is like super cool......j girls always love it.... ollie knows his stuff.....anyways we:re still feeding each other stuff........and like ollie is all dude can you try not to get crumbs in my pillow...and i was like......um u had sex in my tigger suit and in my car.......anyways we are watching this video and laughing...even tho really i:m like rubbing the back of my arm against her boobs n stuff....letting her know i:m horny......so after like 30-40 minutes of movie n stuff........ollie and the other girl slip into his living room..........and me and shochu girl are getting all snuggly....i think she might be passed out....so i get a lil more frisky........she wakes up and we start kissing and stuff.......and i get a lil gropey ifuknowhwatimean....but like her shirt aint comin off....and suddenly i hear the door sqeaking....and ollie slowly slides the bigass tatami doors shut on us.......so suddenly the train to boob town is back on schedule.....over the shirt only bc she:s kinda shy........10-15mins of this is cool....but she:s kinda noisy j girl style.........so i know i need to take the party up to my pad.......but like i am worried that we will lose the moment and i wont be able to seal the deal......so we try to slip out the hall door........but bastard ollie of course has it blocked off...he hears me trying to force it open and shouts out.......you cant get out that way........i am like crap.....we gotta make a walk of shame.....anyways it turns out that she was drunker than i thought and we are totally stumbling up the stairs....i almost had to carry her......hell for a minute i almost felt guilty but then i was like........nah when she met me she was sober.......so its cool......plus her friend gave us permission on the way out..........so we get to my place and she has to use the toilet........so i run to my room and like go into my condom box and hide some like all over the place....and under each corner of the bed...........anyways........we had sex three times in one night.

Take a Sniff

Welcome to the home of my new blog. My old blog was deleted due to the jealousy of the weak. Once this thing kicks off you will see why people are so jealous. I am notorious for my level of honesty in real life. This blog will be no different. Leave any comments you want! Hilarious ones are always welcome....I will put no lies into this blog, but I will fill it with action and adventure. If you can't handle the heat, just don't read my blog. That's how the internet works.